Thursday, May 27, 2010
Ten years. I had been with him for ten years. I think I've loved him a total of three.
So why stay with him? The answer is simple. My children. We share two of the most beautiful children and it would kill me to break apart the family they know and love. So I suffer. I suffer the routine sex, the rows, the neglect and the constant yearning for something more. I need to believe that there is something better for me out there. That I won't be stuck in this rut for ever. The thought terrifies me; I'm only twenty-three. I have so much life to live and yet I feel drained, old beyond my years. He did this to me.
He took everything that was me and turned me into a bitter and regretful shell of my former self. The fifteen year old girl full of confidence and life had long since disappeared and left a broken woman in her wake.
I felt sparks of the old me resurface on the very rare nights out I had with my girlfriends, but even those had become few and far between.
I needed something more. I had a right to feel loved didn't I? Yeah, I got plenty of love from my kids, but I want to feel the love of a man. The kind of love you read about or watch in the movies. The kind where you feel your hair stand on end when he enters the room. The kind where you get butterflies at the mere mention of his name. The kind where when he kisses you the rest of the world melts away.
Mike didn't do any one of those things to me. I felt nothing for him now, well not nothing. He is still the father of my children after all. My feelings for him are those you would have for a friend….a distant one.
"Mommy!" my daughter's loud voice brings me out of my revelry. I run up the stairs to find my four year old little girl holding a bottle of nail varnish….an empty bottle of nail varnishes. Her bottom lip is trembling and her watery eyes travel down to the carpet which is now sporting a huge hot pink stain.
"Oh, Evie. What did you do baby?"
"I'm sorry, mommy. I just wanted my hands to look all pretty like yours" she says through sniffles.
I can't help but smile. Mike will be pissed, but this is part of having children. Speaking of Mike, I hear the front door slam. Great. He's home which means my nightly ritual of avoiding him has started. I hear his boots on the stairs on his way to our room. I tell Evie to go to the playroom and find her brother so Mike can't lay into her about the nail polish.
"Hey" he greets me as he walks in.
He makes no move to kiss me or show any affection after being away from me all day. He simply doesn't care. Well not until his dick misses me. The fucking shit.
He starts to take his work clothes off and he then he sees it.
"What the fuck, Bella?" He yells, making me jump.
"Relax, Mike. I'll sort it out. Evie just had a little accident" I say, trying to calm him down before he can start having one of his tantrums. I swear he has more of them then the kids do.
"Where the hell were you when she was spilling that shit all over our carpet?"
I glare at him. The man seriously has no clue when it comes to raising children. Even his own.
"Don't start with me, Mike. I was downstairs sorting out laundry. I can't be everywhere at once and you need to realize that kids have accidents. I'm sick of you blowing up every time one of them does something" I warn.
He mumbles under his breath as he walks into our en-suite. Mike is a graphic designer. He works a lot of hours and spends little to no time with me or the kids. His answer to me when I pull him up on this is that he brings money into the house, enough so I don't have to work and we can live comfortably.
That may be true, but no amount of money will make up for the kids not having their dad around. He just doesn't get it.
The rest of the evening is the same as all those that proceeded it. I make dinner while the kids play. Mike is in the den playing on his Play station and yelling at the kids every time they make too much noise for his liking.
When I put my son to bed that night he looks deep in thought and I wonder what could be troubling a six year old to the point where I have to click my fingers in front of his face to get his attention.
"Riley? What's wrong son?" I ask, as I tuck him in.
"Mom, why does daddy not like me and Evie?" He asks me with his eyes glistening with tears.
My heart breaks for him. He shouldn't feel like this. No child should.
"Oh, honey. Your daddy loves you. Very much." I reassure him. The words feel wrong coming from my mouth because I don't know in my heart if they're true.
I want to think that Mike loves his children, but his actions suggest otherwise. When Riley was first born things had been different. Mike had doted on him and our relationship had been great.
I had gotten pregnant a little after a year of being with Mike. I was only 16 at the time and I was terrified, but Mike and my parents had been surprisingly supportive and Riley was born into a loving and nurturing relationship. By the time I found out I was expecting Evie things between me and Mike had already started to change. He didn't even make it to her birth because he was working. I think that's the day the last little bit of love I held for him disappeared.
Riley says nothing else and turns over to go to sleep. I place a loving kiss on his forehead and run my hand through his dark hair. I love him so much and I hate to see him so forlorn.
Mike and I are about to have a serious conversation.
I walk down the stairs and into the den to find my husband is still glued to that God damn computer game. I want to throw the fucking thing in the trash.
"Mike, I need to talk to you. Now" I say. My tone leaving no room for argument.
Mike huffs and gets up to turn his game off.
"What?" he asks impatiently.
I roll my eyes at the man child in front of me. I don't know how such a loathsome creature has created two wonderful children.
"Do you know what your son just asked me?"
He shrugs and starts to walk away. I don't what in the hell gave him the impression we were done here.
"Mike! Your son just asked me why his daddy doesn't like him"
Mike rolls his own eyes and sneers at me "Well that's probably his mother filling his head with crap"
I shake my head. It's never his fault. "Mike, you need to talk to your son, spend time with him and show him you love him. I'm not kidding, Mike. You take him out this weekend and make him feel like he's the most important thing in your life or so help me God, I will not be responsible"
Mike doesn't like it when I speak to him like this, but I don't give a flying fuck. I will always be in my son's corner trying to give him what he deserves.
"Bella, speak to me like that and I will fuck off out that door and you can explain that to our son" he threatens. It's nothing I haven't heard before. He would never leave. He doesn't know how to cook. He'd last two minutes by himself.
I walk out the room and leave to think about what I just said, which is stupid because if I know my husband like I think I do he will just pick up the controller on his game and forget I even spoke to him.
I really don't know why I stay.
I lie on my bed and lose myself in a book. It's my escape from the reality of life. Just as I'm getting into it my cell goes off. I know from the ring tone who it is and I roll my eyes because of course she would ring now when I'm just getting to the juicy part.
"Hello" I answer somewhat harshly.
"Bell! I just wanted to let you know that, Rose, Angela and I are going out on Saturday and we really want you to come! Please, Bella. Please say you'll come, it's been ages since we've all been out" Alice pleads. I want to go out with them very much, unfortunately it just isn't as simple as that.
"I'll try, Alice, that's the best I can do"
I can hear Alice sigh at the end of the phone. She knows how it is so she doesn't push me to give her a firmer answer. Rose, Alice, Angela and I have been friends since kindergarten and we share everything. They all know how unhappy I am and how much I want something more from my life. They hate Mike with a passion and Rose won't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore. I wish I had that option more frequently.
The rest of the week is pretty much the same as usual apart from the fact that Mike has decided to spend the last three nights in a local bar with his buddies. He comes home, has his dinner, grunts at the children a few times and leaves. We barely speak a word till he comes home and tries to push himself on me in his drunken stupor, he reeks of stale beer and it turns my stomach. He gets angry at my rejections, but is too wasted to really talk about it and ends falling asleep before he wakes up in the morning and acts like everything is fine. Prick.
My indifference is fastly turning into dislike….hate even. By Saturday morning I am a wreck. I am terrified of what my life is turning into and frankly I'm wondering how long it is till one of Mike's drunken attempts to get his end away turns into something more sinister. I don't fee like I know him well enough anymore to say he couldn't do that to me.
I have a feeling he could. It makes my blood run cold.
In a way I realize I feel sorry for Mike. He seems to have lost so much of himself too. The difference is I'm not an asshole about it. I try to conceal my heartache and discontent for the kid's sake.
This Saturday we have plans to take the kids out as a family. I finally got Mike to agree to some quality time with them both and they are bouncing in their seats at the breakfast table at the prospect of a family trip to the aquarium.
Mike comes down the stairs just as the kids are finishing up their breakfast and, mother fucking son of a bitch. He's in his suit which means he's going into work.
I want to kill him. Literally.
I take a few deep, calming breaths before I ask him what he's doing. He offers us all his usual good morning grunt as he sits down at the table.
"You're going to work" it's not a question.
He looks up from his plate. He's distracted, more so then usual.
"Oh, um…yeah. I got called in by Alec. A client isn't happy with some of our work so we have to go over it."
"You should of told Alec, no. You promised them, Mike" I say, nodding in the kid's direction.
He pushes his chair back and grabs his jacket. He really just doesn't give a shit.
"Sorry, Bella. It can't be helped and you like having new things which means I have to work"
I can't believe he's implying that material things are more important to me then our family spending time together.
"Mike, I couldn't give a crap about that. I want you to come with us like you promised. Tell him no, Mike or I'm taking the kids to my mom's tonight and going out with the girls and I may just not come back."
The kids start crying and I feel like total shit for saying that in front of them.
"It's okay. Mommy's not going anywhere" I tell them.
I usher Mike outside the kitchen door so our conversation is no longer open to little ears.
"I mean it, Mike. You walk out that door now and our marriage is officially on the critical list" I warn
He gives me the 'your talking shit, woman' look. I want to slap it right off him.
"We both know you and the kids will be here when I finish work, Bella so drop the bitch act and go be a mommy" it takes everything in me not to punch him in his smug face right there and then.
He says nothing else on the matter and leaves the house without so much as goodbye to his children.
There is something seriously wrong with this whole picture.
I take the kids to the aquarium anyway; I see no reason to disappoint them any further. They deserve whatever happiness I can deliver.
We have a good day. The kids love looking at the ocean creatures and they love their gift shop tat even more. I don't get it, but they're happy and that's what matters.
I called my mom earlier and asked her to watch the kids overnight. She quickly agreed claiming she hadn't had her quota of grand-baby time recently and playfully scolding me for not coming around enough. The truth is I'm scared if I spend too much time with her she'll see through the act I put on and I'll fall apart on her.
I don't what that.
It will kill her to know how unhappy I am and my dad will kill Mike if he thinks he's not treating me right. My dad doesn't really like Mike anyway. I don't think he has ever forgiven him for getting his little girl pregnant at sixteen.
I drop the kids off at my mom's a little after four; they already have everything they need here so I don't have to worry about going home for their stuff.
They run out of the car as soon as we're in the drive and are scooped up by their pop-pop and na-na straightaway. My parents adore Evie and Riley and I'm glad they have that consistency as well. They need to know they are loved and not just by me.
We finally make into the house and I say my goodbyes to the kids and let my parents know I'll be by sometime tomorrow morning to pick them up.
"Hey, hold on there a minute baby girl" my mum calls out to me as I open the door to leave.
"What's up mum? Evie's not crying for me already is she?" Evie can be a bit clingy sometimes; it's the age…….I hope. "It's not Riley is it? He has his DS with him that usually makes him happy when he's worried or sad.
"No, baby girl. The children are fine. Its you I'm worried about" I open my mouth to tell her I'm fine, but before I can get the words out she raises her hand to stop.
"Don't do that. Don't stand there and tell me your fine. I know your not. I see it and your eyes and I hear it in your voice, you can't fool me, Bella. I've known you for twenty three years. Your not happy, tell my why, baby. What has you so down?" She asks running a hand through my hair.
This is it, the moment I have been trying to put off. I don't want to fall apart, not today. If I stay here and let the tears fall I'll never stop and I'm scared I really will be gone when I'm done.
"Mom, I'm fine really. I'm just a little tired. Mike is working loads of hours right now and I don't really get any time to myself. I'll be good as new tomorrow after my little break" I try to reassure her. I am not convincing and my mother's doubtful expression tells me she's not buying it either.
"Okay. If you're not ready to tell me that's fine, I won't push you today, but I won't stand by and watch you be unhappy. When you're ready I'm right here"
"Thanks, mom. But please don't worry about me, just go inside and enjoy your grand-baby's" I tell her with a smile. It feels forced. Everything in my life feels forced. The only exception being my children. My feelings for them are the most natural thing in my world. I can't imagine not loving them as much as I do. They are everything.
I finally convince my mom to let me go home and the second I step foot in my house I'm on my cell dialling Alice's number.
She picks up quickly.
"Alice. Tonight. Count me in."
"Eddie, please make me feel good. You never touch me anymore" my wife is straddling me. Naked. She has a ridiculous pout on her face, four years ago I would have eaten that crap up, bent her over and fucked her three ways from Sunday. Now, well now I want to be physically sick.
"Not tonight, Jane" I tell her, shifting her body off mine. Bitch doesn't even get me hard anymore. This is fucking ridiculous.
Jane and I met in college seven years ago. I was a senior and she was a junior. We both came from wealthy backgrounds and we both had a fierce determination when it came to achieving our goals. Mine being to head up my own advertising company by the time I was thirty. I was two years ahead of schedule and I'm not too modest to admit my company is the shit. We are bringing in the dollars like you wouldn't believe. Jane's goal was to run her own public relations company by the time she was 30. She is nowhere near achieving that dream. If she spent less time shopping, with my god damn credit card I might add, then she would probably be right on track. Instead she is working under three others in a mediocre company and blames me for her lack of success. She claims that I've held her back. That I forced her into some kind of trophy wife role and her career took a back seat.
I have no idea how she comes up with this shit. I have never once asked her to step back from her work and spend more time with me or at home. I certainly didn't ask her to turn my credit card bills into the Dead Sea scrolls. That shit goes on forever. Prada this, Dior that. I have no idea why it is necessary to spend so much money on something you could just as likely get cheaper somewhere else. It's not that I'm tight or that I can't afford it. I can, I just hate that she barely does anything and yet has no problem spending my money like water.
I want to leave. I would have left years ago if the situation was different. It's not that we have kids. Jane never wanted them, claimed they took up too much time. I've always wanted them and I guess her depriving me of a family is another reason why my resentment towards her as grown to the point it is today.
So why stay? Our family is the only answer I can give. Our marriage brought together two of the most influential families in Washington. Combined they have tripled business and increased their contacts. I once told my parents I wasn't happy in my marriage. They told me a lot of marriages aren't happy ones, but sometimes you have to suck it up and get on with it when there are bigger things at stake. The conversation ended there and the matter hasn't been discussed again. I was however; left in no doubt that walking away from Jane was simply not an option as far as my parents were concerned. I depended on a lot of Jane's families contacts as well mine for contacts in my own business and I wasn't about to fuck myself over by severing that link.
It was a fucker of a situation and one I was seemingly stuck with for eternity.
Jane had stomped off to our bathroom after my latest rejection. She would probably end up staying in there for the rest of the evening doing God knows what. Either that or she would call up one of her plastic friends and disappear with them for a couple of days. I think she was almost as checked of our marriage as me. She still wanted me for sex. Clearly. I didn't even find her the least bit attractive nowadays. Most men would, she was the picture perfect arm candy. Her perfectly styled long blonde hair, long legs and pretty face would turn most men's heads and in the beginning I thought she was stunning. It was only after we had married that she started to show the ugliness inside. Her selfish attitude towards not starting a family was just the tip of the iceberg. Jane had no time for people in what she deemed to be 'a lower class' and she certainly didn't have time for my friends and tried her damndest to cut them from my life. I'm ashamed to say that she nearly succeeded. It's just a good job that Emmett and Jasper are two of the most tenacious mother fuckers I have ever met so refused to cower under my wife's frostiness and numerous attempts to oust them from my life.
And just because life is funny like that my cell started ringing with the big man's ring tone.
"What's up, Em?" I answered.
Hey, bro. me and Jazz were just wondering if the Satan would remove her claws long enough for you to come out with us tonight. We've met two of the greatest girls and we want you to meet them" Em said. The excitement was clear in his voice. This girl must be one hell of a looker. Emmett was usually a one night kind of guy, claimed he didn't need to be tied to one bitch for the rest of his life and often used my situation as the case for his decision being the right one. Fucker had a point.
"Yeah. I don't think getting away will be a problem for me tonight. She's locked herself away in the bathroom for the night….again"
I could hear Emmett laughing on the other side of the phone.
"Dude, this shit isn't funny" I tell him.
"Sorry E, but it really is. What did the bitch do this time?"
"You have no idea how awful it is, Em. My wife just tried to have sex with me for God sake. You have no idea how awful that was." I say seriously.
I hear him let out a disgusted gagging sound as he visualizes the horror that just occurred in my bedroom.
"Man that is bad. I'm sorry, bro." he says sympathetically.
"Okay, so tonight. Where and when?" I ask, changing the subject.
"We're meeting the girls and a couple of their friends at, Volturi's at nine. See you then, E." he says and ends the call.
I get ready and leave without another word to my wife.
Tonight I will not think about her or the cluster fuck our marriage is. Tonight I will let loose and have fun with my friends and pretend that I'm happy.
I can pull that off right?
I walk into Volturi's a little after nine and nervously fiddled with the hem of my dress. I decided to make an effort tonight. My usual jeans and T-shirt combo had been exchanged for a midnight blue mid thigh length dress that gathered at my waist and made my cleavage look pretty fucking hot….if I do say so myself. I had paired it with my best pair of silver heels and painted my toes a nice light pink colour. I had even spent some time on my hair and makeup. I was never usually one to fuss around with these things, but tonight I felt the need to look pretty and confident.
I spotted the girls sat at a table in the far corner of the club and they're looked to be at least three others with them.
I plastered a big smile on my face and made my way over.
Tonight was for me. Mike can go fuck himself.
We'd arrived at the club a little before nine. Emmett had insisted we be there before the girls. He had it bad for this Rosalie chick.
At exactly nine three girls sauntered up to our table. They were all very attractive indeed, but not one of them was really my type. Come to think of it I'm not even sure what my type was anymore. I knew my wife was certainly not it.
The girls sat down. The little one with dark spiky hair who I soon learned was Alice perched herself as close to Jasper as she could without actually sitting on his lap. Jazz looked at her like she was a rare diamond and in that moment I said a silent goodbye to my single friend and hello to my pussy whipped new one.
The blonde one, Rosalie was by anyone's standards a total knock out. She even made the blonde stunners I was surrounded by look ugly in comparison. Even though she did nothing for me, I could understand why she had rendered my usually cocky and loud best friend an in-coherent, slobbering mess.
Not so funny now, is it fuckers?
Their friend, Angela was a tall girl with long dark hair and glasses. She was pretty in her own way, but clearly very shy and unassuming and she seemed not to really belong with the two confident girls in her company and yet the three seemed awfully close.
"So how long have you guys known each other?" Alice asked, waving her hand between Jazz, Em and I.
"About ten years now?" I said, looking to the other stooges for confirmation. We had all met freshman year of college, so ten years seemed about right.
"Yep, ten years is right" Em said with a nod of his head.
"What about you guys?" Jazz asked the girls.
"Pretty much all our lives. Ang, Alice, Bella and I met in Kindergarten and have been a pretty tight foursome ever since" Rose explained.
"Bella?" I inquire as to the missing part of their foursome.
"Bella is amazing, the sweetest person I know" Alice tells us. "In fact she should be here soon…oh there she is now!" Alice says excitedly after spotting her friend.
I turn my head in the direction of Alice's eyes and the air leaves my lungs in an almost audible 'whoosh' when I spot her.
Bella is stunning. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is wearing a short blue dress and silver heels; I know this because my eyes couldn't help but trail down her long creamy legs. Her dark hair cascades in waves and frames her beautiful face. She has a big smile on her face and as she comes closer I notice it doesn't quite reach her eyes.
What on earth could be troubling this angel?
I am overcome with the need to find out and make it better.
I decide I need another drink. This onslaught of emotions for a total stranger is really fucking unnerving.
I order another drink and ask Bella what she would like to drink as she joins us at the table. She bites down on her lip, a nervous habit I guess and tells me she will have a rum and coke.
The girls are fawning over Bella's dress and hair and I'm jealous, fucking jealous when Rose runs her fingers through it.
What the fuck?
I have no idea what is happening here.
The boys introduce themselves to her and she bites on that damn lip again as she gets to know them.
"And this here is my best bud, Edward" I hear Emmett say, breaking me out of my 'Bella lip' induced haze.
I reach out my hand to her and she takes a hold of it and our eyes meet and I am almost positive in this moment that I would break my marriage vows for this woman.
This woman I have known for about ten minutes.
I shake my head trying to clear it of the crazy thoughts I am having. It doesn't work. I look at her again and notice she quickly looks the other way.
Was she looking at me?
The next couple of hours are both the best and worst I can remember for a long time. I discover Bella is married…..married with two children. I also learn from the less then positive comments from the other girls that it is not the best of marriages.
So this is why you don't smile properly angel?
I wonder what kind of a man would be married to Bella and be lucky enough to have children with her and still not be happy.
From the conversation over the last couple of hours I have learned that Bella is indeed very sweet, very genuine and very intelligent. She is the polar opposite of my wife and all her cronies.
I know it's wrong, but my mind and body are pulled to Bella in ways I didn't know existed.
I don't know that I can stay away from her tonight.
He is charming, funny, and ridiculously handsome and he's married. Fuck.
Yes. I realize I am married too, but damn it if I don't want him to take me out back and fuck me senseless.
Whoa! Where in the hell did that come from? No more drinks for you tonight.
I can't help but keep stealing glances at Edward and I think he's doing the same thing too. I wonder if he feels the pull.
A song comes on with a loud thumping base and I instantly recognize it. No diggity by Blackstreet. I love clubs that break some of the older, but fuckhot songs.
The girls and I all love this song so haul ass to the dance floor pretty sharpishly.
We are grinding and dropping our booty's because it's just rude not to when this song is playing. I feel a pair of arms circle my waist and I stiffen. I tilt my head and see the green eyes of Edward staring back at me.
A little dancing is okay right?
I move my hips and he move his. I feel him. All of him. His thumbs rub circles over my hips and wrap my arm around his neck and play with the hair at the base of his neck. That gorgeous bronze, sex hair that has been driving me insane for the past three hours. I feel him grind himself into me a little more forcefully.
I should be disgusted. I should pull away and I should go home and act like the married woman I am.
I don't. I turn around to face him and as soon as our eyes meet again a flip switches and we are all over each other. My hands roam his back and his chest and his pass over my ass and work their way up to the underside of my breast. I feel a fire building and I relish in the sparks. I haven't felt sparks in so long.
I feel alive again because this man is touching me.
His eyes flicker to my lips and I wet them with my tongue in response and before I can argue with myself I lean forward as he does and our lips meet in a hungry and desperate kiss. This is the kiss shared between two people who feel passion beyond measure for each other. Our touches become more risky and I know we must be putting on one hell of a show for everyone.
We needed to leave. Together of course. But leave we must.
"Edward" I whisper as I break our kiss "We need to get out of here or stop"
I don't know who this bold and slightly wanton Bella is, but I decide I quite like her.
He presses his forehead to mine tells me that we can go to a hotel he knows around the corner. I agree. I agree much too quickly for any woman let alone a married one, but I have lost all self control.
I will no doubt feel shame and guilt tomorrow. But tonight I have decided that being happy, as brief as it will be is more important then anything.
We make our way back to the table and the shocked yet happy looking faces of our friends. Emmett and Edward exchange some words that look to be quite serious and Emmett slaps him on the back and I hear him tell Edward he deserves to be happy. I wonder if his marriage is as awful as mine.
It must be. Why else would he turn to me?
The girls wink at me and I'm not worried of what they'll think. In fact if they had pom-poms I'm pretty sure they would be putting on a cheer in support of mine and Edward's little indiscretion.
Edward grabs my hand. Clearly he has had enough of making nice with our friends. I can't say I blame him. I want him so much it almost hurts.
We arrive at the hotel rather quickly and Edward secures a room for the night. There is a fleeting moment where this feels really seedy and wrong, but I quickly brush it aside as Edward approaches me with a panty dropping smile on his face and just like that the fire is roaring again.
This man is doing some crazy shit to my mind.
The elevator ride is full of naughty touching and hungry kisses. We can not keep our hands off each other.
Edward literally runs me to the room he booked and whips out the little card thing, running it through the locking device and dragging me into the room. I suppress a chuckle at his eagerness. But when he turns and pulls my body flush to his and our eyes meet things don't seem so funny anymore. The burning intensity of our chemistry is back and I have to have him. Now.
His mouth meets mine again and our tongues come together in gentle yet urgent strokes. He pulls the zip down on my dress as I start to undo the buttons un his grey shirt. I kiss each new patch of skin that I reveal and his breathing picks up.
He suddenly grabs me by the ass, lifting me up and causing me to wrap my legs around him. He pushes us into a near by wall and there is nothing gentle about our actions now.
He is kissing and sucking at my neck like a starved man and I am just as lustful with him. I push his shirt off his shoulders and reach for the buckle on his pants. My dress is now in a pool on the floor and I am in nothing but my underwear.
"God, Bella. You are the most beautiful, perfect, sexy thing I have ever seen" he tells me in between nips to my earlobe.
His words go straight to the throbbing between my legs and my pants are soaked in another gush of lust and want for this man. I am now just a slave to this thing, whatever is that Edward and I have.
His mouth is suddenly on my taut nipples, he's licking and tugging at it with his teeth and I am grinding on him wantonly. I reach down to his throbbing dick and stroke it eliciting a hiss from Edward.
He responds by moving his hand into my panties and circling my clit. My hips buck and my back arches as he moves a finger and then another inside of me. I am so close already.
"Edward!" I gasp. I need him inside me.
"Bella, are you sure?" He asks. I know why he's asking. We are both about to do something we can never take back, but as I look in his eyes and see the fire he has for me and the affection in them I only have one answer. My kiss is his answer and he enters me smoothly and my mouth opens in a silent scream at the way he fills me.
His movements are slow and measured at first as we both enjoy the sensations our coming together has created, but I need more. I want to feel like I am the only thing on this earth that can give him what he needs.
"More, Edward. Give me more" he looks at me with a fuck-hot smirk before pulling almost all the way out and slamming into again so hard I feel it everywhere. He is hitting spots I didn't know I had.
I use his broad shoulders as leverage to push myself up and meet his thrusts.
Our pace is frantic and the sound of Edward's cusses, my erratic breathing and our skin slapping fills the room.
I have never felt like this, been made to feel like this. I am lost in this man and I don't know how I am going to find my way out.
Our lips meet again in a clash of tongues and teeth and I only break away to call out Edward's name as my orgasm explodes violently through my body and Edward quickly follows with a low 'fuuuuuuuck' and kisses my neck gently as we come down off our highs.
He carries me to the bed and lays me down before crawling in and wrapping his arms around me.
Bella, I know we're married" he starts "I know we both have certain responsibilities, but I want to you to know it has never been like that for me. Ever."
I turn to my body to face him and can't resist running my hands through his hair again.
"I know, me either. I feel….alive. Sorry I know that's cheesy, but you have no idea how long I haven't been…alive that is"
He nods in understanding and tells me about his marriage and how trapped he is. How he wanted a family and I tell him how Mike is with me and the kids and Edward shakes his head in disbelief.
We lay there and talk about the kids and our friends and our lives before making love again.
This time it's gentle and we know it's probably our goodbye, but both our eyes say the same thing.
What if you're the one?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Edward was still feeling jealous from how the girl had looked at the movie star but more so of how he had looked back at her. He made a sweeping gesture to indicate her to go ahead. He growled as he followed behind her into the stacks.
"I saw the way you were looking at that Cullen prick," Edward said, unable to keep it in any longer.
"So, what's it to you?" Bella countered, spinning around.
Edward looked feral and Bella couldn't help notice how sexy it was. His disheveled bronze hair highlighted his strong jaw. Bella wanted to lick it.
"I'd prefer if you looked at me like that instead," he demanded, backing her into the shelves.
"Like how?" she teased, earning her another growl. "Like this?" She batted her eyes.
Edward looked her in her eyes and a devilish smirk came across his face. "That's okay, I'll earn it."
Bella's knees went a little weak as Edward leaned in and pressed his body flush to hers. She parted her legs slightly as a subtle invitation for him to slide one of his in. He accepted it.
Bella thought briefly of why she had come to the bookstore and suddenly felt unsure; she made an effort to halt what was progressing. She placed her hand on Edward's chest and pressed slightly, telling him to stop.
"I don't think so," Edward snarled as he grabbed both her hands and pressed them above her head. Her picture fell unceremoniously to the ground. "I haven't earned my look yet. I think if I fuck you here in the bookstore, you'll forget all about blondie back there."
Monday, May 3, 2010
We have our first One Shot!
The author is the lovely and talented psyche001.
Here is a tease for you.
"Make yourself at home," I said, trying to mentally instruct the racing in my chest. He couldn't possibly be that disturbing to be around. I could even smell his thick, masculine musk from where I stood in the kitchen. The scent seemed more mature than he looked, but it still did inexplicable things to the joints in my hips and legs.
"I'm glad I caught you," he said, making his way over to the window. I watched him curiously as he pushed the curtains aside, passed his palms over the glass panes then pushed the window open. "Ah....it works."
Despite being baffled, I noted the way the muscles in his back and shoulders filled out his t-shirt perfectly. And when he turned back to me with that teasing smile on his lips, I snagged my bottom one between my teeth and inhaled sharply.
"You haven't poked your head out that window in a while," he said. "I just wondered if it was jammed or something."
I couldn't help the smile that tugged my mouth upward then. "It works fine," I said, blushing a little. "I've just been here...relaxing."
"Are you okay? Not ill or anything?"
"I'm fine, I promise. Just needed to retreat for a bit." Though I knew why he asked it. I looked like shit.
After an awkward pause between us he took a few steps toward me and passed his fingers over his lips, drawing my attention to the pink, pouty flesh. I literally had to shift my weight in order to smother the reaction between my legs, wanting nothing more than to suck his lips into my mouth and bite.
"I would ask if you'd join me for a cup of coffee or something, but...."
"Give me five minutes," I said, and darted off toward my bedroom.
Edward was everywhere all of a sudden. We had a comfortable evening with each other that first day. We laughed and chatted about our work, flirted a little, and I'd cross my legs every single time his eyes dropped to my lips suggestively. It turned out he was twenty six, and a general practitioner still in med school, trying to specialize in Obstetrics.....yet another thing that made me cross my legs. He was also impressed that I'd already had five novels published at twenty two.
The signs didn't make themselves obvious to me at first even though there was something vaguely familiar about him. Growing up I had worked so hard at separating myself from my mother and her practices that I ended up blocking other things out as well, albeit unintentionally. After writing to Alice that one time as a child about the form my true love would take, I hadn't thought about it again. The memory faded with time, locked in the diary in the attic with the hoards of other writings over the years.
It ended up filed away in the back of my mind amidst the other "mother induced" incidents in my life; and for the most part...blocked.
Even still, he was familiar to me and I found myself wracking my brain, trying to figure out why I felt like I was supposed to know him. I knew I hadn't written any character in a novel that looked anything like him...and god forbid if I had! The thought alone scared me. It couldn't have been right to feel that way about someone I had written for someone else. And he was literally everywhere I turned.
When I went to do laundry in the basement he was there. When I went to the supermarket he was there. When I was leaving or entering the building so was he; going either in or out. And don't get me started on the sticking my head out of the window part. After the day he checked it, I made sure to stick my head out often. And he was always there on his terrace with a cigarette hanging effortlessly from his lips; ready with a half smirk and a deadly, flirtatious wink.
Now go run on over, read and leave our fellow Dirty Cheeky Monkey some love!